The Classifieds

“Massage has been practiced for thousands of years. Today, if you need or want a massage, you can choose from among 80 massage therapy styles with a wide variety of pressures, movements… all involve pressing, rubbing, or manipulating muscles and other soft tissues with hands and fingers. Sometimes even forearms, elbows, or feet are used.”    

   ~http://www.webmd.com/balance/massage-therapy-styles-and-health-benefits

While browsing through the classifieds of the newspapers, I came across numerous ads for “Attractive Model Type Girls To Do Massage”; “Classy, smart, model type ladies needed”; “Attractive masseuses needed immediately”; “Attractive young ladies needed to work as masseuses”; “Attractive open minded girls needed for massage” … then it occurred to me that unless you are “attractive” or “model type” or “attractive and open minded” you can FORGET about becoming a masseuse! 

Strangely, there is no mention of the need for a masseur, attractive or otherwise, although I did see one advertising “Alternative Massage Service for Distinguished Gentlemen”… hmmmm, I wonder what that means? “Alternative” - Does this mean that your masseuse would be an ugly, narrow minded, old woman? Or, could alternative in this case be linked to “alternative” as in “alternative lifestyle?” –I have no clue!

Anyway, bottom line is that there is clearly a considerable demand for massage services! Is this an indication that we are a highly “stressed” nation? Are men the only ones seeking out the services of these nubile masseuses? 

What type of training is given to these young ladies? My only hope is that these “young girls” who are employed are being properly trained as professionals and do not fall victims to the dark underworld of human trafficking.

I also noticed various ads in which employers sought the services of employees “from the country” meaning if you are from Kingston and St. Andrew and by extension Portmore no need to apply. In this day and age, does anyone sincerely believe that persons from the “country” or the rural areas are more honest, reliable, hardworking and trustworthy or simply put, “better” workers than those from “town”? If so, why? What makes the difference?

In my limited view “country” people these days are on par with us “city folks”, for the most part, unless of course you are talking about D-E-E-P rural areas so remote that not even birds fly there. Gone are the days where you could identify country folk because they dressed differently - you remember Maas Boysie with his red gaberdine pants,  multi coloured floral shirt,  and favorite kangol cap. Today they are dressed in the latest fashions, bling and all – just like us! Heck, some of them even bleach like city dwellers too! AMAZING!

Cell phones/ Blackberrys, they have them - even if they have to climb on top of a hill or the house top just  to get a good signal…flat screen TVs, laptops you bet they have them too! You name it and chances are they have it once they can afford it! As to the amenities – light and running water – they have those too for the most part. Furthermore, how many of us here in Kingston have “water” troubles as NWC regularly implements its water restrictions and lock-offs? We end up bathing with a bucket of water we have stored up especially if we do not have a black tank or it inexplicably runs out of water. I will not go into the JPS issue with the power outages.

At the end of the day I suppose that it really comes down to preference as to whom you feel more comfortable working with.  However, I am still a little curious as to why country people are preferred for certain jobs; can someone explain to me please?

Another thing, I have been noticing that several ads for missing persons, children or otherwise, are not accompanied by pictures. Why? We all know that a picture tells a thousand words so instead of using many words to describe someone which could easily apply to a NUMBER of individuals PLEASE just try to get a picture.  Saying the person is “5’ 9”, dark complexion, slim build, corn-row hairstyle” means NOTHING! NADA! ZILCH!

Otherwise, you might end up with a description a la Jamaican style:

“Height: Mi no know, ‘im tall. Yeah, ‘im taller dan mi (no big deal as you are quite short) ‘im ‘bout so tall (gestures way above the head to indicate height) and him have knock knees.

Weight: Man, ‘im big and wagga and wagga, true mi a tell you a ‘cause ‘im nyam too much dats why ‘im belly did get so big. Mi naaah tell no lie ‘im can EAT! ‘im love food bad, bad! But ‘im did go pon one diet and was a plan fi go a gym next month.

Complexion: Yuh mean ‘im colour? Well, at first ‘im did darker dan me but true ‘im use the cake soap and toothpaste and curry powder him did a turn inna a browning…’im did kind a cute though.

Distinguishing marks: Well, ‘im don’t really have no distinguishing mark. Di ongle ting is ‘im have a scar pon him forehead where ‘im did lick im head when ‘im drop out a Miss Gertie mango tree when ‘im was a boy. Oh, people call ‘im “big head” cause his head big like a mandora coconut plus him eye dem kinda pulp…”

Please, skip the description and provide a picture of the missing person, it will help us to help you.