A Hungry Man is an Angry Man

“A hungry man is an angry man”

                                ~ Proverb

Many of us are familiar with the above proverb which the late Bob Marley even incorporated in one of his songs Them Belly Full (But We Hungry). Listen here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9fhxiAHeYs8

A visit to a fast food establishment helped me to understand the meaning of this proverb.

After paying for my meal and waiting patiently for my number #084 to be called, I heard some grumbling from other customers who had ordered before me.

“Lawd dem slow, eeeh?” hissed a young woman in a Barney colored outfit.

“ A wha’ dem a do so long fi bring out mi food?” enquired another woman.

“Cho, mi no like come inna dis ya place, ‘cause dem take long fi serve you!” grumbled a man standing next to me.

Since I had just come in, I wasn’t really affected, at that point, by the wait. I simply enjoyed the sights and smells as I considered what is next on my agenda.

“Two cheese patty and one orange juice”

“We have bottle orange juice and box, which one you want?”

“It no matter, just give me one….alright give me di box one, which one cheaper, though?”

Jamaican Patties

“Look here, make sure is callaloo you order for me ‘cause I don’t eat meat!!!”

“Callaloo loaf? You can come a road and buy callaloo loaf? You can buy a bungle and cook it and eat it wid bread”

“Listen, just order it and shut up you chat too much fi a man!”

“Customer number 83” – the server calls out and I secretly rejoice that I am next YAAAY!!

“Customer 85? … 86?...87?” another calls out

“Yeah, yeah, yeah! See mi yah!” shouts a man with a “dusty” appearance (possibly “cement dust”) and paint stains on his cut up jeans and t-shirt and heavy duty boots. He eagerly pushes forward and stretches to give his ticket to the server.

“Sir, did you order three meals?”

“Tree meal? No a one mi order” he replies

“What is your number Sir? You answered for three numbers”

“See di ticket ‘ere, look pon it”

“Sir, I called three numbers which one is for you?”

“Look yah ooman, si di ticket ‘ere! Wha’ happen? You can’t **%%$$ read?” as his voice grew louder by the second.

Being distracted by the discussion it suddenly occurred to me that hey, they skipped #84!

“Excuse me” I politely try to get one of the others to check for my order but they are too engrossed in the developing quarrel.

Here comes the supervisor from around the back, let me get her attention…oops she is heading over to diffuse the situation before it explodes…

“Dat’s why people soon stop buy inna dis place!  All mi a tell yuh fi just look pon di ticket but you still a act like you a flippin' eediat an ignore mi! A so black people stay” (for your information the server and the customer are…black people)

“What seems to be the problem?” the supervisor asks.

“I called 85, 86, 87 and he answered for the three numbers and all I asked was which number he had” the server explained.

“DI TIME SHE TAKE A ASK MI FI DI NUMBER SHE CAN SEE IT FI HERSELF, BUT MI MIND TELL ME SAY SHE CAN’T READ ‘CAUSE SHE LOOK DUNCE LIKE BAT!” he shouts.

“Sir, let me have a look at your ticket” the supervisor says.

“Sir your number is 95 – here it is at the bottom of the ticket” she points out to him. “All these other persons are ahead of you in line so you will have to wait until your number comes up.”

“95??!!” he asks incredulously. “BUT MI HUNGRY!! # 95 mi have to wait so long just to get two patty and two coco-bread? By di time me get it to rahtid mi must drop down and dead from hungry!! A di WORSE &**%%### PLACE fi buy lunch! Me sorry dat I never did ask Spoogy fi bring one bax lunch from Miss D food cart at least she cook good and she serve you plenty food and mi no have dis long everlasting wait fi two likkle patty!! Cho, if a never one thing mi take back mi money you know, but di sun too hot and mi can’t walk so far fi buy no food pon a hungry belly”

By now, the eatery is quite crowded and this belligerent man has an audience, some of whom might be sympathetic to his “plight”. I think the supervisor is reading my mind. She takes his ticket and serves the loud-mouth his order just to get rid of him…he goes through the exit cursing nonetheless.

“You should not have served him! Let him wait like the rest of us! People are too indiscipline these days” commented an elderly man as other customers nodded in agreement.

“A him one hungry? But see yah?! Me a dead fi ‘ungry right now, mi eat from 7:00 dis mawning”

“Miss Junie, you really should have made him wait! EVERY TIME that man comes in here him make trouble and don’t want to wait!” said one of the workers.

As she passes me she asks, “Are you getting through Miss?” Finally, I am able to explain my “plight” to her and she takes my ticket, serves me and apologizes for the delay…I am just happy to be on my way before any of the other “hungry” ones left inside becomes angry!

What's in a name?

What’s in a name? Interestingly, in our society many of the citizens have legal names which are officially registered at the Registrar General’s Department but yet nobody in the community or family knows them by those names! I kid you not! Imagine a child going to primary school about 11 years old, getting ready to take the examination to enter high school. After all that time in the system the teacher finally realizes, when the birth certificate is produced, that the pupil is not Alex as he is commonly called but his name is…not Alexander… but Basil! How the dickance could you call a child Alex and his name is not Alexander? Alexander is not even his middle name! He is not the worst case as I met an older woman once who told me that she has four different names. How so? At home they called her “Cherry”. Off she went to elementary school run by the church. There her baptism paper, which was apparently used to register her, had Mabel Adina. She grew up thinking she was either of those names until time comes for her to apply for a birth certificate…rude awakening! There was no record of Mabel Adinah! A Mulvina Adinah born to her parents on her birth date is on record but no Mabel in sight. Not even if you are drunk does “Mulvina” sound like “Mabel”! Aside from the “M” sound nothing in common.

Why don’t we call persons by their correct names? Why so many aliases or pet names?

I am the first to concede that some of the names these days are plain ridiculous and I think that the parents in trying to be “unique” end up giving the poor kids names that cannot be written let alone pronounced properly. Some of us might have names that we wished we had money to do a deed poll, because we just don’t like our names for some reason or the other.

Of course, I refuse to get into the topic of the STUPID names the celebrities call their kids as that is just an effort for them to get some attention. I suspect many of these kids will change their names first chance they get and I am sure they will let their parents PAY dearly for giving them those fool-fool monikers.

To be fair, locally, the pet names or aliases might serve some purpose as it tells you a little about the person’s physical characteristics or personality. For example, if your alias is “mawga foot” – you know that you are too skinny. I heard an obituary once with a man called “bud foot” – I am picturing a man with his feet resembling a bird’s feet.

 

If they call you “big ‘ead”; “fat head”– you know your head size is on the enormous side of the scale; “big yeye”; “toad yeye”; “frog yeye” “froggy” – you have bulging or protruding eyes.

 “Foodie”, “Wanga gut”, “belly”, “bigga” – yes, yes you got that right, you love food so much that it is reflected in your extended gut! Diet anyone?

Pot Belly

“Tall man”, “Tallist”, “short man”; “shorty”; “stumpy” – of course, that depicts your height.

Not to mention the aliases describing your complexion:- blacka, blacks, blackie, browny, browning, reds, red man, red gyal….and the list goes on…

To be called “weed head”, “weed seed”, “crack head” calls attention to the bearer’s love of marijuana or other drugs.

“Wormy”, “Rusty”, “Rampuss”, “Dawg heart”, “Doggie” “piggy” and all possible animal combinations have been used as pet names.

Then there are some aliases that I am at a loss to explain: - John Crow (is this person like a scavenger or what?) duppy bat, rolling calf; duppy flim; ratta castle (do rat’s have castles?), "gully pig"…

What are the weirdest pet names/aliases have you heard?

Sagging...

Firstly, let me state for the record that today’s blog has nothing to do with sagging as in “sagging breasts” that somehow migrate south to meet your belly button. I assure you that I have sufficient material to blog about if I decide to explore that aspect of sagging. In fact, I was unfortunate enough to behold a woman a few moments ago who, in spite of having an ample bosom chose to go bra-less. The flimsy, red unlined lace fabric that the blouse was made of did nothing to help her cause. I imagine that decades ago they were where they were supposed to be but with time and gravity they have drifted south and now her boobs are at her waist. But she seemed quite happy and so that is that! I, on the other hand, am traumatized at the sight, and wished she had covered them up.

Anyway, my problem is with sagging pants! 

 Yes, these young men who are going around with their pants way below the waist exposing their underwear - sometimes their trousers are way below their butts almost at their knees! Where did this trend come from and WHY is it still around??!!!!! 

At first I thought that the pants were just a little too big and the offenders did not have belts for whatever reason. However, I gradually realized that that was not so. I have seen many wearing belts with the sagging pants! Fellows, I DO NOT WISH to see the bad-coloured, washed out, brief or underpants you have on! Sometimes the underwear look so shabby they look like some old dusting rags or fit for the trash can. By the way, it doesn’t matter if they are brand new, fruit of the loom, snoopy inspired or designer underwear or even if Denzel Washington’s face was on it – I DO NOT want to see them and worse off I do not want to see your butt either! Show some self-respect – PULL UP YOUR PANTS.

Snoopy Underpants

 

I saw a young man the other day who at first glance resembled a girl due to his cornrow hairstyle and earrings and lack of facial hair. But then when he got up I realized it was a male.  Anyway, this youth's manner of dress almost gave me a heart attack but then I became happy that I did not have any sons!

His lime green shirt (which could pass for a girl’s blouse) was form fitting with CAP SLEEVES. The white skinny jeans pants he was wearing was sooooooooo tight I am convinced that they painted it on him! It was waaaaay below his waist and I get the feeling that he borrowed his kid sister’s jeans and it could not go any farther on his body. The result was a rather abnormal gait. Just watching him move was painful enough and, had I not seen his stupid pants, I would have figured that this guy has a severe hernia, recently had his testicles removed, or suffers from some sort of spinal troubles. The fact that he was sporting off-white (might have originally been white) patterned underpants and lime green and gold sneakers still did not make him more appealing!! What was even more shocking is that two young girls were on either side of the fellow and he felt like a KING as they walked and chatted… If I had a son, he most certainly could NOT leave the house dressed as sloppily as that. Furthermore, if I had a daughter she had better not let me see her walking and talking with any guy dressed like that!!

I wonder how many persons sporting this fashion have any idea of its origin. For those who do not know WHERE this style started, it would be instructive to just do some research into the background. If you STILL want to dress like this after finding out then I guess you just a plain old sloppy dresser!!

Oh before closing, I think it’s only fair to tell women wearing the low-rise pants and thongs that some of us do not wish to see your intergluteal cleft (butt crack) either! So cover it up!!! SHEESH!

Here is where you let Miss Ellie know how you honestly feel about this sagging pants trend, what do you think?

Woman or Sailor?

Cause, girls, you can't do
What the guys do, no
And still be a lady
                ~ Betty Wright

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZtkVj3JPaw

As I sit nervously in my “shotta” taxi focusing on reaching my destination in one piece, the driver, who is travelling almost at the speed of light (a slight exaggeration), skillfully dodges the numerous potholes along the way.

His eagle-like vision is sharp and soon the car stops suddenly and hits reverse to pick up a passenger who is talking on her cell phone while walking down the street. She quickly hops in and we take off like an airplane on the runway. “Seems as if I will reach before visiting hour at the hospital is up”, I think to myself.

“A so di lyad bwoy tell yuh? Eeeeh? A so him tell yuh? Him too BLINKIN’ LIE! Him is a dutty $$%%##@@!!* LIAR!! From Ash Wednesday mi a call him cell phone and mi no get him and mi leave plenty message pon di old John Crow phone and him not even call me back!!! If him know wha’ good fi him him betta carry di money come gi’ me!! Me naw stand fi no ##@@!!* foolishness! A 2013 now! Him a tek him money a mine dat UGLY ##@@!!*@@## gyal an’ my son need tings! You know from WHEN me no get a ##@@!!* cent from him? Not even a $500 to **&&%%$$$$! Every time one new phone come out a him dat!! Look from when we together, eeehhh? Look from when???!!! Me an’ him start from scratch when a one so-so jeans him have to **%%$$$ and mi still stay! But, serve me right!! Because Aunty Joy never did like him from day one!! Look how him a behave?!!”

I glance through the side mirror just to confirm whether it was really a woman cursing like a sailor or was it a man dressed like a woman? I have never heard a female utter such offensive speech before! Every sentence is dotted with the foulest words imaginable in our local vernacular. Aside from the fact that she is wearing a leopard print blouse, has in multiple earrings, a nose ring, a piercing over her eyebrow, fake eyelashes, a wig and complementary two toned skin (bleached and not so bleached skin) this woman is ferocious.

But why would a woman behave like this? What would make her so angry that she transforms into a foul mouthed beast?? Oh, a dead beat dad who lies and cheats on his spouse!!!! Betty Wright’s song comes to mind that says “girls, you can’t do what the guys do no and still be a lady”. Therefore, it would be best not to let the lying, cheating man to enrage you so much that you lose your self-respect, lower your standards and launch into such vulgarities. Take the man to Family Court and let the judge order him to pay child support!

Clearly there is not enough verbal drama for the day and so as I enter the bus I walk into a rather animated quarrel between a young Rasta man with a thick beard which is twisted and heavy locks secured under a really high, wooly red, green and gold looking turban (I wonder if he bumped his head coming into the bus…) and an old, blind man with a white cane. I would love to know what sparked the dispute because the Rasta says:

“How dat affect you? Why you come inna I man argument?”

“How you mean? Me no come a yuh yard? Me inna de bus, dis is a public space, how you mean? You need fi keep quiet den ”

“Yes, a so unoo love fight Rasta. Rasta get a fight all di time!”

“Rasta? You a no Rasta!! Yuh a RASCAL! Yuh give Rasta bad name, all Rastas me know a peace loving people and hear how you a mek war inna di bus! Rasta love me and help me so move and go way, you a no real rasta! Yuh a pork eater, fire bun fi you!!! Yuh disgrace rastaman dem!” contended the blind man.

“And you a disgrace to all bald-head! Fire fi you!” retorted the rastaman.

“Mi did de wid Ras up a ‘im shop an’ him tek care a mi and even ask one man fi carry me cross di road to di bus stop and di man say ‘im nah do it” continued the blind man.

“So did you see who it was who refused to carry you across the street” another passenger asks.

“Wha’ you say?”

“Did you see who refused to carry you across the street?”

“Yuh a damn eeediat or what? How mi fi see? Mi blind!!” snapped the blind man.

“You sure you blind?” asks the passenger, even as others started to chuckle to the annoyance of the blind man.

“Look yah nuh, you a big man yuh fi stop dem careless talk deh” the blind man counseled.

“No, me is a young man”

“Go way! You no young at all, yuh voice too RUSTY!” The blind man was correct - the man poking fun at him was a senior citizen with a full gray beard and hair…I wonder if he was seeing a little as he was spot on re that passenger.

Soon it is time to disembark, I am sure the discussion will continue even after I get off. As I walk to the hospital, I wonder if I will hear any lively exchanges between patients and nurses. Hmmmmm…time will tell.