Cellulitis and PCMD

Cellulitis: A common skin infection caused by bacteria. Staphylococcus and streptococcus bacteria are the most common causes of cellulitis.

  

 

Ellie Washbelly’s definition:  a common condition in which the patient presents with an inability to detach from the cellular telephone for any reasonable period of time.  Aside from the accompanying red ears and sore hands (unless you have an earpiece) side effects include dissociative behavior as characterized by a disruption in the normal functioning of memory, identity or the environment around him or her…hence they walk into cars, buses, trucks, rivers, streams etc.  Oh lest I forget, they also bump into other persons. The good news is that this “cellulitis”, like the other cellulitis, is NOT CONTAGIOUS! YAAY!

What is my point today? To raise awareness among my fellow humans that CELLULITIS as per Ms. Washbelly’s definition (or should it be Dr. Washbelly?) is a REAL threat.

Example, walking along a rather busy thoroughfare I counted at least seven persons actively engaged in conversations on the cell phone. That some were deep conversations was reflected in the facial expressions, gestures and, in extreme cases, the number of “fabric” or “cloths” expressed to the person on the other end of the line.

“Ow yuh mean sey ‘im nuh gi’ yuh mi money, eeeh? A wha’ do da’ bredda deh? ‘im want a man  bus’ up ‘im **&$%##@**!! ‘im tink say a joke bizniss dis? ‘im a tek big man fi foool!!!”  He was obviously a ticking time bomb ready to explode so I thought I better steer clear of that one even as he crossed over the intersection without as much as a glance.

Or it could just be “charming” conversation among good friends discussing the latest “suss” or something of vital importance - “Mi dear, di one Likiesha did a show hoff sey dat she a go a Jazz and Blues but mi ‘ear sey dat she an har man did ketch up big, big and ‘im nuh badda carry har again!! Heheheheheyyyyyyyy bwoy an’ she did all a go a Sandra a’ready go do har head!! Yuh seee-it! Show off bring disgrace! Yuh see whey mi a tell yuh! Das why yuh mus’ ‘umble yuhself!! ! A so mi granny did tell mi!!!!” … I wonder if grandma ever told her that wearing denim shorts so short that John Public can see her gluteal sulcus in all its glory brings disgrace…

Anyway, this condition afflicts motorists as well. Many are seen trying to maneuver their cars and SUVS (not doing a good job of it in most cases) while chatting on the phone! How often have you driven behind a vehicle and wondered what the dickance this EEEEDIAT driver in front of you doing? You finally get a chance to overtake and realize, not too surprising to you, that the jack or jenny ass was on the cell phone talking, dialing or worse yet TEXTING!!!!!!!!!!! People, if you must text pull over – COME OUT A DI WAY!!! Many of you are not too skilled at multi-tasking so please get an earpiece or use the phone on hands free but PLEASE pay attention to the road! Too many accidents, some of them fatal, are linked to cell phone use.

Now, before I go, I wish to quickly point out yet another condition which although not as bad as the cellulitis can be most uncomfortable particularly for the “other party”.

This is what I will call “PCMD” which is Please Call Me Disorder. Can somebody explain to me please WHY oh WHY do some people have cell phones if they NEVER ever have credit on it??!!! I am not talking about those who sometimes run out of credit because we, pre-paid users, do experience that at some point or the other. BUT…I know a few persons who never seem to have credit on their phones. So if THEY want to talk to me what do they do? Send a please call me or they dial me and quickly shout “CALL ME BACK, CALL ME BACK” and hang up.

On reflection, I realize that these persons have never paid to talk to me! Folks, it’s not a case of an emergency (in which case I would oblige and call back) a dem regular behavior! Those afflicted with this disorder know themselves! UNOOO NEED FI ‘TAP IT! Please desist…Just stop it!

So, for the past few months I have come up with the PERFECT solution which is economical and most effective.  I refer to it as “Dr. Ellie Washbelly’s shock therapy”. It is GUARANTEED to bring the “patient” around in no time and will either cure him or her AND at best it will ELIMINATE YOUR DISCOMFORT!

Here is what you do. The next time a PCMD sufferer sends you a Please Call Me text you quickly send back a text asking “WHY”? I have never had to repeat the process after the first administration.

Try it and PLEASE, I beg you to  let Dr. Ellie Washbelly know how it worked out for you!