Bikini Babes...Perhaps

Saturday afternoon… It is sunny and very humid. You can almost see the “heat” as you drive along the roadways. You are thirsty and for a moment you wish you had some lemonade or coconut water to refresh you.

 

Up ahead you notice a flurry of activities, more than just cars whizzing by. Am I seeing right? Is it a mirage? Are those people standing in the road? Are they crazy or what??! On such a busy thoroughfare WHY would you want to be in the street and not the sidewalk especially with some of the lunatics driving these days?

As we get closer I realize that there are quite a few half-naked women flagging down cars …they were actually dressed in bikinis. Whether tall or short, dark or fair, “thick” or slim, the general “uniform” is a tiny, bright colored bikini top and tight, ultra short shorts. I am honestly amazed! For one, how the dickance did they get into those shorts?  I am almost sure that their circulation is severely hampered…is that why a couple of them are gyrating? Wait a minute, didn’t the carnival road march end the week before?

 “Bikini Car-Wash” Ooooh!!!! It’s a car wash! I guess in these lean economic times one has to think of innovative ways to grab the potential customer’s attention. After all, having a bikini car wash is not a new concept and it might just increase revenues.

 “Mi mumma!!” I could not help blurting out as I saw one of the young women. Let’s just say she did not fit the typical profile of the “bikini babe”. In fact, I would best describe her as a plus plus size woman with a“governor washing tub” (an extremely huge) backside and equally ample bosom. Her huge belly is hanging over the top of her micro jeans shorts and her boobs are competing to fall out of her lime green bikini top! It doesn’t matter that her legs are full of cellulite; she is full of confidence and prances around like any of her skinny, “mawga behind” colleagues. 

Given that this is Jamrock, I am almost sure that she will get a fair share of "eager" males waiting for her to wash their cars… word out is that a lot of hombres prefer “thick” ; “healthy body” women “with meat on dem bones” (although she definitely has a lot more "meat on her bones" than normal). In other words, the "mawga" as in "rail thin" model type lasses have to come good against their more curvy (read big breasts, broad hips, big butt but with a "small" waist and flat stomach here) sistren who will get the nod every time. Yeh man a so it go here on the rock, many prefer "phat" women as opposed to "fat" as in "obese" women.

Do you suppose someone with a Kate Moss type of figure would get a lot of compliments here? No, not really. You are more likely to hear a negative comment such as:

"Eeeh, eeehh, 'ow da gyal deh so mawga?  No sah, nobaddy can mawga so, all yuh see is har big head! Look like she live far from har kitchen or maybe she sick!"

Interestingly, back in the late 80's early 90's local dancehall deejay, Red Dragon did a song Cu Kun Kun addressing the dilemma of the skinny girl http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXu6b2U8oHc

On the other hand,would someone with Beyonce's body type get kudos? OF COURSE!

Now do you understand the difference?


Whereas I applaud that woman for  her obvious confidence, I can't help but wonder how healthy she really is.

Suddenly I remember my friend Kozo, the dancing purple dinosaur:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejECO5pfC9E

As I close this blog, which I really wanted to call “Bang Bellied Bikini Babes”, I wonder how many clients these girls were able to attract.