The Return...

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Guten tag, Wie geht es Ihnen? 

Hej, hur mår du?

Привіт, як справи?

Hey, what’s up?

Greetings everyone!!! 

Firstly, I wish to send special greetings to the loyal readers from Russia, Ukraine, Germany and Sweden.

I am particularly impressed because English is not the mother tongue of the aforementioned readers and I wonder how the dickance dem understand when Ellie lapses into di patwah!! Of course, I am also appreciative of my fellow citizens of Jamrock, the “fans” in the U.S.A, Canada and the United Kingdom!

Could it be that the reader(s) are actually Jamaicans residing in those countries?? Or, could they just be individuals genuinely interested in finding out all they can about us? Hmmmmmm…we are a fascinating set of people!

Even so, try as I may, I still cannot figure out certain things that we do and find that I sometimes question whether we are a set of “mad people” or what?

How could a complete stranger, without the householder’s permission, enter a yard with a crocus bag or box, climb the mango, ackee, or breadfruit tree and strip it bare? 

If the owner of the house happens to catch the vagabond he will sheepishly state “Sorry boss, a jus’ a couple mango (or ackee…) mi pick, cause mi hungry…” – a “couple” in this case is more like a couple dozen that he will promptly sell!! It is no wonder that many homes now have Rottweiler, Pit bulls and other vicious mongrels guarding them.

Another thing that is puzzling, WHY do we wait for the last minute to do things and then expect “miracles” to happen?

Went to the pharmacy this morning and there were at least two persons at the dispensary ahead of me. So I took a seat and patiently waited because these things take time PLUS these pharmacists are not known to be the swiftest.

A woman dressed in teal and black came about 10 minutes after and handed in her prescription. She walked around viewing other items while talking on her cell phone.

Unbelievably after about 5 minutes she proceeded to the window to enquire if her prescription was ready! Wait a second. Surely she must have seen us! Of course it did not help that another woman was complaining how long she was waiting and that her bosses were going to fire her.

“Excuse me, is my prescription ready?? I didn’t know that it would take so long…” she asked.

“Miss, there are a few persons ahead of you” the pharmacist replied.

“Will I be next?”

“You are third in line”

“Oh no! I can’t wait, that is too long. I am trying to catch a plane” she said perhaps hoping that the pharmacist would do her a favor and push her prescription up front.

“GAWD, just give it back to me, I can’t wait, I have to catch the plane” she mumbled.

Question: WHY did she wait until so close to departure time to go to fill a prescription?!!

After I left the pharmacy, I walked past a fairly decently clothed man seated on an old, half broken white bucket who seemed to have been in deep conversation with “someone” visible only to him…perhaps it’s his “imaginary friend”. His slurred speech, blood shot eyes and the strong smell of “Wray and Nephew” convinced me that this man spent the prior evening/night drinking. Maybe we should put out some public education ads/billboards that would say something like “It’s 9:30 a.m do you know where your drunk husband, father or boyfriend is?”

Thankfully one of my regular shuttle taxis stopped at my feet and I hopped in.

“Lawd Jeezas driver, no badda ‘top again, mi want pee bad, bad so hurry up” said the woman in the front seat.

“Den mek yuh haffi a keep up yuh urine so long fah? It nuh good fi do dat!!! Unnoo mus’ let it out and stop a hold it up! When unoo get owl a dat time u have weak bladder!” replied the wise old taxi man.

“But wha’ yuh want we fi do? Sometimes yuh not near any bathroom!” the other female passenger chimed in.

“But it is a very bad thing fi do! A truth me a tell u, yuh not to store it up!!!” he replied

“So yuh expec’ wi fi ‘top a street side and bend down and pee pee? Dem days done!!! Dat a when you a come from country and yuh beg di driver fi ‘top and all di ooman dem run go out a di bush go bend down!” the woman in the front said.

“But see yah!! Yuh tink we stay like unoo man wha’ jus’ stand up anywhere and piss?” the other woman asked.

“Woooiii, well, a true woman have more shame dan we fi true! Yuh did know dat woman dawg no pee pee in public? She always go one side but di man dawg dem just cock up dem foot and piss anywhere, especially car wheel! As a matter a fact, dem wi' even piss pon yuh foot if you not careful” the taxi man conceded.

“Driver, remember my stop please” I asked quietly, a bit nervous for the woman in the front seat who desperately needed to relieve herself.

Red Coat Plums

I could not wait to reach home myself... I had a some juicy red coat plums to eat! YUMMY!