Chicken Tales...

Since I feel like connecting with the Chinese roots, I decide to cook sweet and sour chicken for dinner. This means a trip to the supermarket to get chicken, preferably breasts, as that would provide fleshy parts and I would not have to waste time de-boning the other pieces etc.

Sweet and Sour Chicken

I waltz into my favorite supermarket and pick up a can of pineapple slices then head straight to the freezer section.

 “Legs– No”

“Thighs– No”

“Wings – No”

“Gizzard??!! – Definitely no!!!! ”

“Hmmmmmm….there MUST be some de-boned breast in here…somewhere” I think to myself as I go through various trays of chicken.

“Aha! I found them! YAAAAAY!!!”

However, my joy is short lived as I soon realize that a) there are no deboned breasts and b) the breasts are rather small like some “A” cup size and I was hoping for big breasts, you know like some DD’s or something. I am disappointed and perhaps it shows on my face. I have been noticing that the size of the chickens (I call them anorexic chickens) have decreased while the price for them has increased dramatically!

Certainly we would not have a problem paying more if you were getting more but now you are paying for more but getting less…did you notice that?

The conversation between a two female shoppers digging in the freezer beside me supports my notion and now, I don’t feel too “miserable” after all:

“Look pon dis price fi me, please, mi no have on mi glasses” said the older woman.

“$1020” responds a woman in a long jeans skirt and sneakers.

“$1020 fi dis ya chicken yah?!!! Look how di chicken maawga!!!!”  the older woman exclaims.

“A true! By di time yuh put dat inna di pot it swink up and nutting deh fi yuh fi eat, a mostly ice yuh get”

“LAWD JEEZAS!! Mek dem no allow di chicken dem fi fully grow, eeeeeh?!!! Dis chicken yah too likkle!!!

Mi can’t afford fi a buy dis yah likkle maawga chicken yah fi dem breed a money deh! IS A SIN!!!” says the old woman.

“Mek mi tell you something, ef mi did have di space up whey me live now mi would a build one fowl coob and raise two fowl fi myself and mi fambily! Me could a even sell dem to mi neighbor dem cause a whole heap a people no like di machine chicken dem! Dem full up a harmones and dat can give you cancer mi hear!” the lady in the jeans skirt explains.

Live Chickens

 

“That’s true, I prefer the home-grown chicken myself but my supplier got sick and his sons apparently are not interested in that business, so I am forced to buy the chickens here because my children mostly want to eat chicken!!” another shopper has now joined the discussion.

“And di home-grown fowl eat better dan these in the supermarket!!! No matter how you season dem still no have no taste” says the old woman.

She does have a point. I have tested the theory and I have found that the homegrown chickens generally are more flavorful!  But some of them tend to take longer to cook.

I leave the trio discussing the merits of home-grown chickens versus supermarket chickens and make my way to the cashier.

As I stand in line I ponder how feasible it would be to raise chickens commercially….hmmmmm…then I recall what a friend told me some time ago about a farmer in the rural area who raised chickens. This man was constantly plagued by praedial larcenists. No matter what he did to prevent the thieves from stealing his chickens, including getting a few dogs, all his efforts failed!

Chickens in coop

Eventually, in desperation, he decided that he was going to stand guard in the  chicken coop one night, with his machete in hand to confront the culprit(s).

Armed with his weapon of defense and a flash light he went inside the coop at about 10:00 p.m to await the crooks, he was determined to catch them this time…

The next thing the poor man remembered was waking up to a steady, rocking motion. He then realized that, while he was still inside the coop with the chickens, it was loaded on the back of a flat bed truck and they were on a dark road heading out of the district…

I do not know if this account is true or not. However, one thing is sure, thieves today can be as determined to get what you have, even if you think you are totally prepared!

The Good, the Bad and ...

The road is extremely busy at that hour of the morning and I notice an old blind man standing at the side of the road. I am not too sure that he wishes to cross but then I walk up to him and ask if he would like to cross the street. He is only too happy to accept the offer and I take up the challenge of getting him safely to the other side.

I make sure that there are no cars, buses, trucks, exuberant bike riders coming and cross halfway to the median. Yaaay, we are halfway through. Now if someone would just stop to make us cross. Soon a white Nissan stops and so I instruct the old man to step down as we now have clearance to go and we step off.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKKKK!!!!!HHHOOOOONNKKKKK!!!! HOOOONKKKKK!!!

Is some jackass blowing his horn at us? Before I could even glance to my left….

“Wha’ di **@@&&%$###** you a blow fah? You nuh si di lady a cross di blind man?!!!! Wha’ yuh wan’ mi fi do? Lick dem down and kill dem?!!!” shouts the driver of the white car, who by now is hanging halfway through his window and gesticulating wildly.

“Hurry up and drive up di old piece a cyar and shut yuh **&&^^%%** mouth!” shouts the piggish driver of a battered blue pickup van.

“Go way you a real **@@&% eeediat!!! A must buy you buy you license!!” replies the driver of the white car.

Oh my, I hope this does not escalate into a serious case of road rage as too many “claawts” are flying around as it is. The first driver was being kind and the other driver was just being a true pig and would not wait! Such impatience!

Thankfully, we make it safely across and I escort the old man to his destination on the other side and he thanks me profusely. I feel happy that I was able to assist him.

In a span of 10 minutes I experienced the good, the bad and the ugly! Listen to "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQGGQ-FCe_w

Anyway I proceed on my merry way but see a young woman in striped multi-colored tights showing off her level 4 “post baby bod” (each level represents a layer) walking with a newborn mostly exposed, its head uncovered and no umbrella in the 8:45 a.m sun.

The woman spins around to look at the “Crosses” man, sorry I mean the man with the “stop children crossing” sign who is talking with another person.

By the time she walks pass me her mouth is contorted into an extended pout and her lips by now are as long as a swordfish. She is rolling her eyes and hissing her teeth.

I wonder what the man said to her. She seems totally annoyed.

Swordfish

Nonetheless as I approach the man I realize that he is fuming too. Hmmmmm…I wonder what is going on here.

“See it deh! Me a tell yuh say dem deh ‘ooman mustn’t have pickney! Dem no ready fi have children at all! De pickney head no fi tun out toward di road. Di mother must hold di baby head  di odder way facing  di fence!! Di sun inna di baby face a bun him.”

“Oh I see” said the other man.

Actually, I agree with him that the baby needs to be properly covered and protected from the sun and wonder why she doesn’t have an umbrella or a cap for the little one.

“Dem a have pickney too early these days and dem no know nutting! Dem madda supposed fi teach dem certain tings but dem grow up too fast by di time di madda fi teach dem a ting or two dem done breed already!”

I get to my destination and as I am walking through the gate there is a Prado with a dark tint lining up to go into one of the few parking spaces left. The space is very tight as one of the other drivers has parked on the line. The Prado reverses and goes forward a number of times and just could NOT line up to fit that large vehicle in the space. What does the driver think he is driving? A Suzuki Swift or a Mini? What?

For the life of me, I cannot understand why the silly driver doesn’t circle the plaza to see if there is a better spot elsewhere. Perhaps he or she was just plain lazy or something.

As I walk toward the store, the absurdity of the Prado trying to fit into the smallest possible place replays in my mind and the Jamaican version of the Mission Impossible theme http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gA1rOVCX0cw just keeps ringing in my head…I wonder why?

One in a Million...

Question: Which 1980’s hit would cause a busload of passengers (okay like 80%) to break out in song? Singing, snapping fingers (did you know people still did THAT??), rocking their heads from side to side, a few of them even had their eyes closed (females of course). Did you guess?

Answer: “One in a Million You” by Larry Graham! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxCBu45HgjE

Picture this. It’s a busy week day. Traffic is crawling as it is approaching lunch time. Passengers are minding their own businesses, looking through the windows, chatting or texting on cell phones or engaging in light chatter with the person next to them while enjoying the cool comforts of the a/c on Big Yellow (my endearing term for the JUTC buses).

Suddenly we hear …“Love had played its games on me so long, I started to believe I'd never find anyone…”

Before long a couple of the females start to sing along.

“…And oh, what a revelation to seeeee
Someone was saying "I love you" to meeeeeeee”

The young lady beside me, who has a good singing voice, is belting out the tune with Larry (hmmm, future singer? Rising Stars, anyone?). She softly taps her fingers on the seat in front of her.

“Driver, tun up di radio, tun it up! A good tune dat” a portly woman requests.

“A one in a million

chance of a lifetime…”

Wait a minute, there is a booming baritone voice behind me…a man singing on the bus? There is another one!! Aha! A man over to my left in the green shirt and matching tie seems to be singing…I see his lips are moving slightly. Perhaps he does not have such a good singing voice and does not want to embarrass himself in public by singing aloud since we adults can be rather unkind at times. But then again, he could be mumbling about all these morons in the bus singing and swaying as if they are at an 80’s concert or watching Solid Gold or something from that era….

I, on the other hand, am waiting for others to jump out in the passage like a flash mob or something exciting like that…okay, who will start dancing up and down the aisle??!!! You know like the JG Wentworth opera-like Need Cash Now commercial!!!! I wait and wait...Nothing??!!

Basically, it turns out that it is just a set of passengers enjoying a phenomenal hit. What can I say?

Just as “One in a Million” finishes and Abba’s “I Believe in Angels” begins to play:

“Good marning passengers”…

“Eh-hem, GOOD MARNING PASSENGERS, ladies and gentlemen” – it is a “youngster” dressed in a khaki uniform. He is seated two rows up and is trying to get the singing passengers to quiet down as he has something to say…

“I would like to ask for some assistance to help me to go to school. I don’t have anyone to give me anything as my mather has five of us and my father was killed by gunmen. They kicked off the door to our house and shat him up seven times and he did died…”

“Oh my” I said to myself. That is absolutely terrible!!! This poor boy!

“My mather does not have it to give me lunch money. I went to PRS to meet a woman who promised me lunch money but when I gat dere she was not dere. I go to school in Papine so I have to take another bus. It is hard far me to concentrate when I am hungry. I want to make my life better and help my mather”

“That’s it, I better look for $20 for this poor guy” I thought to myself.

“Please any money you can give me $50, $20 or even $5 will be appreciated. Thanks. I going to walk down di aisle and you can give me whatever you have. Thank you. I don’t have anybody to help me. Please help me…”

Just as I was about to look in my purse for $20, the singer beside me said “Same story every day! He come on all the buses. I work downtown and he come into the store and beg same way…”

“A true, me hear dat story deh from him already!” said another woman seated in front of me who hisses her teeth and looks through the window.

“So a one ginnal, den!” said a man behind.

What?!!!! This “kid” is a “con-artist”??? I can’t believe it!!... until…he actually starts to walk down the aisle towards us. Wait a minute…this “youngster” looks a “little old”… is that a hint of a moustache? Day old stubble? He is kind of short and thick and some students do mature more than others but THIS one looks a little “TOO MATURE”.

He walks down the passage and some older folks hand him money, a $100 note in one instance, $50 and some gave $10 or $20 coins.

“Den whey u school bag deh? Whey you school book dem” inquires a mature woman in a colorful head scarf.

Good question! I wonder why he doesn’t have a school bag or wear a tie, epaulet or school crest. Anybody can buy khakis but a school is identified by its tie, crest or epaulet. I am thinking he might be a trickster!

“I ‘ave a problem with my foot as you can see my shoes are mashing up and when I carry di heavy bag it hurt mi back and foot so I leave my books at school” was his reply.

Wow, an answer for every question…I wonder how long he has been at this? His skills are certainly honed…and to think, Ellie almost fell victim to his “scam”! ALAS

Senior Moment

Wait a minute, did Ellie just read correctly or are my eyes playing tricks on me?? Did the news item just refer to a 54 year old man as a “senior citizen”, what the heck?!!!!!

Of course I read it correctly!! Why am I even surprised, this is not the first time I have seen it in print or heard in the media where persons in their late forties early fifties are termed as “senior citizens”. As far as I know, and there are dictionaries to support my point, the term senior citizen is used to refer to persons 65 years of age and older!

Because this term is now being used incorrectly, I am beginning to wonder if current writers are some late teens-early twenties journalists who think that “50” is so faaaaaaaaaaar away!!! Schucks, the last birthday I remember I was 25; I had no idea when I got to ... let’s say this age. In other words, you guys and gals will reach “senior citizen” status faster than you would like to believe.

Actually, sometimes I do feel a little Jurassic…I can’t seem to relate much to most “youngsters” and their style of dress, speech, conduct, work ethic or lack thereof. It has me totally befuddled.

Ellie is from a different era where life was less complicated and more fun! And like a “senior” I find myself reminiscing over the yesteryears quite frequently.

I vividly remember the days of primary school preparing for Common Entrance Examinations to secure a place in high school. No, that was long ago before GSAT Exams. We as kids were less pressured. No need for extra lessons from you in Grade 3 and Saturday classes, Summer Classes and all sorts of classes!!! We were free “ramp down di place” until you are in the year to do Common Entrance!! Then and only then were you in extra lessons.

Remember how you had to write compositions or essays? Yes, you were given several topics and you had to choose one and write about it! “My Day at the Beach”; “What I did for the Summer Holidays”; “My Life as a Dog”…..at the end of the day we were taught how to write and express ourselves! YAAAAAY!!!

Speaking of school days, let’s talk about the “food”…no not the awful canteen lunch! YUCK! But things we loved to buy like Sky Juice!!! Who remembers sky juice?? Okay, for the benefit of the young folks here, sky juice is shaved ice with syrup and a little water served in a plastic bag...YES, before you had “bag juice” there was “sky juice”. Sky juice came in red (strawberry syrup), yellow (pineapple), orange (self explanatory), and purple (grape)…okay so you get the drift now.

Moving along, with the sky juice you bought bun and cheese, coco bread and cheese or my favorite cornbread and cheese!!! Yummy!

We will not discuss the asham (not even sure how it is spelt) which is corn that has been ground into a powder and sugar added. It was sold in little plastic bags which Miss Edna had on her stall and as kids, without any sense of danger or clue of hygiene would bite into one edge of the bag and throw it into our mouths…not too fast though as it could easily cause you to choke!!! It was NICEEEEE!!! Oh, we would also buy all the paradise plums, red and white mint balls, kool-aid and sugar (also in bags), icy mint, peanut brittle, gizzada….you name it – we bought it!!

Of course, I could not leave without mentioning “swimsy” – yes, the faithful man on his rusty bicycle who sold shrimps to us at the school gate. Sometimes, after the first bell rang signaling the end of lunchtime you would see “swimsy” pedaling as fast as his bicycle could go just to catch a sale before the second bell. “Swimsy a come, see him deh!!! Run go buy one bag a shrimps before di second bell ring no!!! Hurry up! see Ms. Brown a come wid di belt!!!”

After school we looked forward to going home to do homework (not really….but our parents made sure we did homework first) then it was time to watch CARTOONS!!!

“Yuh finish yuh homewuk yet?”

“No mommy”

“Tun off di blinkin’ t.v. and go do yuh homewuk!”

Bugs Bunny_freecoolwallpapers.com

We would hurriedly complete the assignments so as to watch our bellies full of cartoons! Anyone remembers Superfriends, Johhny Quest, Inch High Private Eye, Scooby Doo, Where are you?, Bugs Bunny/Road Runner Hour, Flash Gordon, Fat Albert????!!!

Oh my! Then there were the sitcoms…some of them we were not allowed to watch cause they were “adult” you know like Soap, Maude and Benny Hill? Then there were The Jeffersons, Threes Company, M*A*S*H, Good Times, Benson, One Day at a Time, Sandford and Son, Different Strokes, Happy Days, Carol Burnett and Friends!!!!!!!!! SIGH…too many to mention…but I loved them then and I still enjoy the re-runs now…if I can find them.

 

Who remembers the Six Million Dollar Man? I still remember the opening “Steve Austin, Astronaut.  A man barely alive.” It was even more ridiculous as everybody (kids only, of course) suddenly became “bionic” and could not walk, talk or run without doing it in “slow motion”…oh don’t forget the “funny sound effect too”- now that I think of it reminds me of some old rusty spring!

Time would not allow me to delve into Falcon Crest, Dynasty, Dallas, Knots Landing….but those of you old enough will remember those too!

“Ring Ding” with the late Miss Lou (Louise Bennett-Coverley) was one of my favorite local children’s programs.

Although I am not THAT old, I also recall a couple of local radio serials that I listened to as a child because my elderly relative could not miss them.

“Mazie, look yah nuh, mi gone now cause Dulcimina a go start an mi wan’ know wha’ happen to Pressa Foot!”

Dulcimina was written by Elaine Perkins and was highly popular for decades! There was also “The Fortunes of Floralee” and “Life in Hopeful Village”, does anyone remember those?

Sadly, I hardly watch t.v. now unless it is the Investigation Discovery Channel or A&E, can’t stand the STUPID sitcoms now which I don’t find funny, absolutely hate the plethora of not so realistic “reality shows”; wish they would stop bombarding us with all the “talent shows” and all off-shoots.

It is now official - Ellie is really, really becoming a dinosaur! But those were good times and they are fondly remembered...does this qualify as a "senior moment"?