“Kiss mi neck!! A really deh so di blinkin’ eeediat leave
di machete?!!!” the angry woman shouted, bending to retrieve a machete
protruding in the front lawn.
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| Machete |
“Eeeeeeh? From mawning mi a tear down di place a look fi
di machete and look where Wilbert leave it! Right inna di lawn! Hanybody can
just pick it up and attack mi in a mi own yard!” her face was bright crimson
and I figured that it was not only attributable to the heat of the sun.
“Why don’t you speak to him Ms. Gloria, explain that he
must put it back in the storeroom after he is finished” the young woman said.
“Speak to him? Speak to him? How many time mi “speak” to
him already? Mi tyad fi talk to him, look like him deaf or daft or both! If I
ever see him now I feel like I would just tek it and gi him two %$**** SLAP wid
it …cho!!!”
I find myself wondering if we share the same gardener!
You see, the gardener NEVER puts things back where they belong – EVER – you waste
precious time looking for tools that were NOT put back where they should have
been. So forgetful! I wonder if that has anything to do with working long hours
outdoors….hmmmmmmm. Anyway, I understand “Ms. Gloria’s” anguish as I have felt
like knocking out the gardener many times before….
Another thing, this expression “Kiss mi neck” – an “old-time”
phrase, is a bit puzzling to me as to its origin. Can someone enlighten me
please? A few years ago a friend – a Spanish speaking native – was in the
island on a project. He came to me one evening extremely bewildered because he
heard the expression earlier in the day at the site. Apparently one of the
locals, while conversing with another, said “Kiss mi neck!” My friend, who was
standing right next to him looked and said “Keesss your neck? You want me to
keeess your neck? I don’t know hombre
but where I come from one man do not keesss the neck of other man, I no keesss
your neck!!!”
He did not understand why they were all laughing. I
explained as best as I could (and with a straight face) that it was not a
literal expression but sadly I could not tell him anything about its origin. Nevertheless
I pointed out that the island has the reputation of being homophobic so he does
not have to worry about a man just approaching him and asking for a kiss on the
neck….
I must admit that I found his story quite funny…we are such
a funny set of folks!
For example, while in the plazas yesterday I saw a beggar making his
way towards the car. I have seen him on previous occasions and so I knew his
story beforehand. As soon as I was turning
to close the door I saw that he was making a bee-line ….hmmmmmmm….he changed
his mind. Then I realized why. There was a security guard, baton in hand, in
pursuit and telling him to leave the property.
“Yuh deh everywhere, leave from here and stop molest di
customers dem!!” the security said in a stern voice.
“Mi nah molest nobaddy, mi just a look a change bredrin”
replied the beggar.
“Look how faaar yuh come from come all di way up yah so a
beg!! You a come from downtown! Why yuh never go a Bank of Jamaica go beg, eeeh?
You all pass Ministry of Finance before you reach yah!!!” the security’s voice
was getting louder now.
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| Bank of Jamaica |
“Yuh mad? Me can’t go dem place deh fi beg!!” the beggar
responded incredulously.
“A Ministry of Finance and dem place deh you need fi go beg
‘cause a dem have di money! DON’T come back over here and mek mi catch you!!!
You hear??!!!!!” the security was quite unyielding as he held the baton in the
air and the beggar left hastily.
Even as I chuckle to myself, I cannot help musing over
the exchange and wonder IF any beggars have ever tried begging at the Ministry
of Finance or the Bank of Jamaica…
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| Ministry of Finance |
